All around him the brilliant white was fading away to reveal a small clearing in a green and luminous forest. There was no sun. Every leaf, every blade of grass, every flower petal seemed to emit its own yellow light. Severus could feel the damp blades between his bare toes, making him aware of his own nakedness. He looked down on his bare arms to find that while he was still pale, his skin had lost its usual sickly pallor. He touched his face, almost surprised to find it still there. He was still a being, still a form. He half expected to be a cloud of dust.
It was complicated to decipher how he felt. The most noticeable change was that the anger and frustration that had plagued Severus all his life seemed to be gone. But, he was neither happy nor sad. His soul was neutral and almost unfeeling. He was not even irked in the midst of his new and strange surroundings. After all, he knew what happened to him…A hand flew to his neck, but Severus could not feel any indentations or scars. He could not even remember the pain of Nagini’s fangs penetrating his flesh. All he could remember were the green eyes of a young boy, like shadows cast by a memory. Something he had to remember one last time before slipping away into an unknown future…
Severus pulled himself back from getting lost in thought. On the nearest branch appeared a set of robes the familiar color of black. He reached for them and touched a fabric that was softer than silk, and as luxurious as velvet. The weightlessness of the garment shocked him as he picked them up, expecting something far heavier. As Severus dressed, a small breeze passed through the forest, shaking the leaves, and creating a soft murmur that seemed to whisper his name.
“Severus.” It was so soft, as if the wind itself was speaking. Severus ran a hand through his black hair as he looked around. He was not alarmed. There was nothing to fear at this point. He walked to the edge of the grassy clearing and looked into the depths of the forest, finding nothing. He turned around and in the center of the clearing stood a figure, and he began to fear as he thought he never would again.
There she was. A white robe draped over her fair, glowing skin. Her dark red hair cascaded in twinkling waves down her back and over her shoulders. Severus stared at the beautiful, familiar face, but could not bring himself to look at the part of her he feared the most, and yet longed for. He could feel those green eyes gazing on him with all the magic and power he remembered in their first meeting. Lily seemed determined to have Severus look her in the eyes, but she would not force him. The power of her look was commanding, yet gentle.
“Severus Snape,” she breathed again. Severus sighed deeply, knowing what he should do, and forced himself to look into her eyes. Slowly his dark eyes trailed up her long neck, over her rosy glow of a cheek, and locked with the green. He felt a jolt of…he wasn’t sure what it was. Pure electricity seemed to run through him. It was a sensation of neither pleasure nor pain. However, he was taken aback at the fact that Lily’s eyes were not icy or hurtful. Rather, they were soft and tender. She was looking at him the way she did all those years ago, the way her eyes glimmered with laughter and happiness when Severus first told her of the wizarding world.
He did not know how to proceed from this point. He wasn’t even sure if she was real. He supposed he should try and speak, but his attempts proved to be fruitless. He tried to say her name, but his trembling lips and dry mouth would not let him. Lily began to step forward, and Severus’ desperation to say something grew more intense, as the difficulty to do so also did. He could not even move to defend himself. But why would he need to defend himself? This was just Lily. Lily Evans. Walking toward him.
By the time Lily stopped walking, her slender nose was just eight inches from his crooked one, and Severus was having difficulty speaking, moving, breathing. He had forgotten what it felt like to have her so close to him, to be able to touch her if he wanted to. Just when he felt like he might be able to utter her name, Lily threw herself on him. She embraced him with such strength and unexpectedness that Severus stopped breathing altogether. He was completely shocked and frozen with Lily’s arms wrapped tightly around him. The swirling thoughts in his mind slowly came to a stop, and Severus suddenly knew what to do.
With a trembling gasp, Severus returned the embrace. Lily did not say a word, and yet she was saying everything. In that embrace, Severus could feel her forgiveness, her affection, her love. Tears began to roll down his cheeks and nose, but they were not out of pain or sadness. It was as if releasing those tears was the only way he could release the pain that had been with him in his life. With those fallen tears also fell his guilt, his frustration, his anger. The overwhelming mix of emotions and the sensation of Lily’s warm breath on his neck caused Severus to quiver. When he was alive, he might have been disgusted at this public display of weakness. But something within him told him that this was necessary. It was time to go back to a place where he was innocent. Where he was with Lily.
He did not know how long they stood there, holding each other. An eternity seemed to pass before Severus was able to regain some composure. His grip loosened on Lily’s garment and she stepped back bringing her hands to his pale face. Snape let out a long breath as she gave him a soft smile.
“It would seem you know, then,” sighed Severus, the act of talking suddenly much easier now. Lily looked at him with understanding eyes.
“Yes,” she said, “I do know.” There was a pause between them that was not at all awkward. Lily’s voice broke the silence.
“You are a wonderful man,” she said simply, running her thumbs along Severus’ cheeks. She let her light laugh fill the air as he shook his head in disbelief.
“So wonderful, Sev,” she insisted. “I know you’ve grown to detest the word hero…But, look at what you’ve become.” Lily laughed again as Severus took her hands in his. He stared at them in silence for a moment before finally speaking.
“After that night, when you…and I knew it was my fault, I-I never wanted it. You were always so…” admitted Severus nervously, avoiding Lily’s eyes. It was amazing how just her mere presence could reduce him back into his 13-year-old self. Then, suddenly with much confidence, he looked into her eyes with a poised intensity. Though she already knew it, he felt he had to say it…
“I loved you,” Severus whispered, but strongly. “I still do. All those years…Even when you hated me, and I wanted to hate you. But, I couldn’t. Everything I’ve done, everything you see to be noble in me, is because of you. All for you. It’s because of you that I still have a soul to salvage… I love you, Lily. That is all. That is everything.” Lily nodded and rested her head on Severus’ chest.
“I loved you, too. Always.”
Severus ran his pale fingers through her dark red hair. He understood. He did not expect her to return the same kind of love he had for her. But, she did love him. And that was enough.
Severus gazed beyond the clearing and found what looked to be a hiking trail of dirt that he had not seen before. Lily looked back up at him, her green eyes once again filled with laughter. A wide smile overtook her face and she grabbed his hands.
“Looks like you’re ready to go,” she said happily, pulling him toward the trail.
“Go where, exactly?” asked Severus apprehensively.
“Now, does that really matter?” she giggled, giving him a young, mischievous grin. “I mean, you’re with me.”
Severus felt something unfamiliar tug at the corners of his mouth. At first he tried to fight it, but the force was too strong. He let shine a smile. It was not evil, it was not malicious. It was one that connected to the happiness that had sparked once again in his soul. With a blissful grin plastered on his face, he walked with Lily, grasping her hand tightly as they walked on the trail to an unknown place. Severus smiled because he knew Lily was right. Because he knew he’d follow her anywhere.;
